


I’m A Really Fun-Gal! (A Tale of Mushrooms and Dankness)

by RipleyD



Series: Cursed Thasmin Things [3]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alien Pregnancy, Also why do I keep writing these like they're serious fics???, Cursed, F/F, Just a general what the fuck, Made up alien species because I can, Mushrooms, We love a blended family : ), thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-04 07:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17894462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RipleyD/pseuds/RipleyD
Summary: Yaz discovers the Doctor’s mushroom farm. You’ll never believe what happens next!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a result of some mushroom discourse from the Tea At Yaz’s! discord server.
> 
> I went on a podcast and did a "dramatic" reading of it with the lovely ladies over at Koality Queers : )))
> 
> https://soundcloud.com/koalityqueers/episode-9-the-cursed-mushrooms-of-thasmin

“Yaz, d’ya think you could try find a dragon costume for me in the basement? I figured since we’d be going to a renaissance faire I’d break out the old Puff outfit!” The Doctor was too busy concentrating on the console of the TARDIS to look away.

“Sure. Do you have any other costumes we could borrow?” Yaz asked.

“Oh, if you find a crown and cape I call it! Always wanted to dress up as a King,” Ryan grinned from where he sat, some funny, dank memes on his phone occupying him.

“Oi, shouldn’t I get to be a King since I’m the oldest?” Graham grumbled.

“Oh well, technically I’m the oldest so maybe I should be the King,” The Doctor interjected.

“No way!” The boys protested in unison.

“Calm down, there might not even  _ be _ a King outfit. Don’t get your knickers in a twist. I’ll see what I can find,” Yaz said with a roll of her eyes.

The policewoman headed down the stairs where she arrived at a long corridor with many closed doors. As she passed by she noticed that each of the doors were labelled.  _ Cheese, Cured Meats, 3 Pronged Objects, Gooey Things, Explode-y Stuff. _ Strange stuff that seemed all too Doctor-like. She kept wandering down the hall, expecting to find a door labelled ‘Costumes’ but instead found herself walking towards the darkening expanse of the corridor. She could hardly see what lay beyond. Once her eyes adjusted to the dark Yaz found a lone door at the very end with the words ‘ **DO NOT ENTER** ’ printed in large, bold letters. The air around the door was moist and stale, giving the young woman a creepy vibe. The cautionary words on the door only served to pique her interest, she just couldn’t resist reaching out to grab the doorknob.

It seemed like time slowed down and Yaz found herself holding her breath as her hand came closer and closer to the silver knob. Her hand wrapped around the cold metal and twisted it, the door creaking loudly as she pushed forward. There was a puff of thick, warm air that rushed out of the room that nearly took Yaz out! The smell was straddling the line of bearable and unpleasant. The policewoman could hardly see inside but the dim light filtered into the room and her eyes adjusted.

The room… It was filled with rows and rows of mushrooms! Different shapes, sizes and species. Some of them were even glowing different unearthly colours, colours she'd never seen before.

“What the hell?”

“YAZ! There you are! Can't you read? The door says not to enter! You're disrupting the environment!” The Doctor rambled as she tugged on Yaz's arm, dragging her out of the room and slamming the door shut.

“S-Sorry Doc, I didn't realise!” Yaz jumped in fright, having not noticed the Doctor coming up behind her.

“It's… It's alright, I'm a tad overprotective of the little ones.”

“What? You mean those mushrooms? What's so special about them?”

“Jeez Yaz, that's a little callous of you. They're not just  _ any _ mushrooms, well some of them are. But those mushrooms that glow? They're an endangered sentient species from across the universe!”

“Wait, what?” Yaz was more than confused. 

“I once saved a planet inhabited by sentient mushrooms called the Aragari with telepathic abilities that was nearly wiped out by a species of feral beetle-like creatures. In return they gave me some of their offspring to take with me in case anything happened again back on their planet. So I’ve been nurturing them ever since. It’s been about 50 years now, and they’re close to developing into the next stage,” The Doctor explained, ending her train of thought with a troubled look.

“What’s wrong, Doctor?”

“The only problem is that I have no way to help them through that process.”

“Surely they just grow on their own, right?”

“Wrong! Keep up Yaz. This species’ young, once cultivated, needs to be further incubated in a host mother. There’s usually a designated host mother amongst tribes all over the planet that carries the premature Aragari until they’re ready to survive on their own.”

“Oh, and I’m guessing you don’t have any spare mushroom host mothers just laying around?”

“Nope, not a single one unfortunately! But what I’ve discovered is that most other species are able to carry these little guys to term! It’s that fascinating?!”

“Are you joking?” Yaz asked, only slightly disturbed.

“Of course I’m not joking, I’ve read up about it over the years! I’ve just never had the chance to find a suitable host mother.”

“Well, maybe we can go find one. Make that our next mission rather than going to this renaissance faire.”

“No way! I’m not missing out on a renfaire, I hardly ever get to go to them!”

“But you can just  _ literally _ go to a  _ literal _ medieval faire whenever you want!” Yaz protested.

“I’m deducting points from you for being argumentative,” The Doctor pouted.

“I honestly don’t care because you’re always changing the scoring system,” Yaz rolled her eyes and crossed her arms - she sometimes thought that it felt more like the Doctor was a kid she was babysitting rather than a woman she was dating.

“Fine, we’ll miss out on the renfaire,” The Doctor huffed like a petulant child.

The two made their way back down the hallway, the light getting brighter as they approached the staircase.

“So, what species are able to host the mushroom things?” Yaz wondered aloud.

“Ah, well, any that give birth to live young really,” The Doctor answered. “But preferably a species with higher cognitive functioning.”

“So, what, you’re saying that humans could host for these mushrooms?”

“Oh, oh yes! Why didn’t I think of that?! God, I’m daft,” The Doctor shook her head. “Humans would be a perfect substitute host mother! Yaz, you’re a genius!”

“Uh, thanks I guess.”

The Doctor stopped just shy of the stairs leading back up to the console room, grabbing Yaz by the arms to stop her from continuing.

“I’ve had a bit of a mad idea.”

“I’m scared… What is it?”

“What if… What if  _ you _ hosted? Would you do that for me Yaz?” The Doctor pleaded with those puppy dog eyes.

“Excuse me?!” Yaz was horrified by the idea.

“Come on, think about it! You’d be saving an endangered species from extinction! Besides, the incubation and birthing process doesn’t take that long!”

“I’m sorry, but what the actual fuck?”

“Yaz, listen, you’re my girlfriend and I love you very much. Will you please consider it? I know we haven’t really talked about the possibility of starting a family, but this could be a little stepping stone. We’ll be mums to hundreds of little telepathic mushrooms! How cool is that?” The Doctor looked and sounded way too excited about the prospect of Yaz giving birth to hundreds of baby mushrooms.

“I… I need to sit down, I think. Can you just give me some time to process?” Yaz asked, her focus slipping as she seemed to dissociate.

“Of course, I’ll take you to our room,” The Doctor said as she took Yaz’s arm and led her back up.

* * *

It had been a month since that fateful day where Yaz stumbled upon the Doctor’s mushroom farm. The policewoman woke up in her bed and yawned, stretching her arms above her head. She hoisted herself off the mattress and made her way to the bathroom adjoining her room. She walked past her mirror and caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection. Her hair was a mess despite being in a braid overnight, her eyes looking a little tired from the restless sleep she’d been having the past week. Her eyes tracked her body lower until her large, protruding belly came into sight. The skin was stretched taut and she could see the outline of several small limbs wiggling about underneath. There was a faint glow that shone from her stomach, slowly shifting colours.

“If you all don’t settle down I’ll throttle the lot of you,” Yaz grumbled as she smoothed her hand over her tummy.

The wiggling calmed down and Yaz gave a relieved sigh. She was on her ninth day of her pregnancy with these mushrooms. God, why did she let the Doctor convince her to become the host? Oh yeah, it was the Doctor’s heartfelt speech about how she wanted to start a family with her, strengthen their relationship and all that bullshit. Not to mention the hot sex they’d had after that where the Doctor had whispered how sexy she’d look pregnant…

How the hell was she going to explain this to her family back home? Ryan and Graham barely understood and were rightfully weirded out by the whole thing. Although they did come around to being uncles to these things eventually.

“You guys better be cute,” Yaz said as she relieved herself in the bathroom.

“Yaz? You up yet?” The Doctor’s voice called out from the other side of the bedroom door - she had been up and at it earlier like usual.

“Yeah, I’m up,” The young woman replied as she flushed the toilet and washed her hands.

She walked out of the bathroom and found the Time Lady standing in the doorway with a massive grin.

“You look gorgeous!”

“I look like I’m about to burst with all these things inside me,” Yaz countered.

“Yeah well, you’re due any time now,” The Doctor said as she approached her girlfriend and put a hand against her stomach.

The Aragari growing in Yaz’s womb all wiggled and squirmed, vying for the closest spot to the Doctor’s hand. It was in their DNA to recognise and trust the Doctor. The two left the room in search of a hearty breakfast for Yaz. Ryan was just sitting down at the table with his bowl of cereal when they entered the kitchen.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that,” Ryan commented, eyeing off his friend’s glowing, swollen belly.

“Yeah? Try being the one with hundreds of little mushroom kids writhing inside you!” Yaz snapped.

“Hey, hey, take it easy! These little guys are sensitive,” The Doctor said as she rubbed her hand over her girlfriend’s baby bump again.

“Whatever, after breakfast I need to get some fresh air,” Yaz said as she planted herself in the seat opposite Ryan.

The Doctor delivered Yaz a plate with eggs, toast and waffles on it, alongside a cup of juice and water. Yaz devoured the food in record time before downing both cups of drinks. She got up, leaving the plate and cups on the table before walking to the TARDIS doors, leaving the Doctor to quickly clear up and follow her.

“Yaz, wait up!” The Doctor had to jog a little to catch up just as she stepped out on to the planet they’d landed on just the other day.

“I hate being cooped up for that long,” Yaz complained, her hands moving to support her lower back. “Sitting on my bum all day is the worst.”

“You know that I’m eternally grateful for you doing this, right?” The Doctor said as she put a comforting hand on her girlfriend’s back as well.

“Yeah, you owe me big time.”

“I’ll take you wherever you want to go, whenever, no questions asked!”

“Damn right you will,” Yaz said before she felt a tugging sensation in her abdomen. “Doctor…”

“Yaz? What is it?”

“I think it’s happening…” Yaz gritted her teeth as she felt more pressure down there, tensing to keep from spilling baby mushrooms all over the grass beneath her.

“Right now? Perfect timing isn’t it?” The Doctor’s tone laced with sarcasm.

“I can’t move, Doctor.”

“Okay, okay, let’s just get you on the ground. You’re going to have to do this here and now,” The Doctor said as she helped Yaz out of her trousers and underwear before lowering her to the grass.

The Doctor bundled up Yaz’s clothes and used them to cushion a rock she found for her girlfriend to lean up against. She sat between Yaz’s spread legs and inspected her crotch.

“The good thing about birthing these things is that it’s way less complicated and messy than regular childbirth,” The Doctor said as she held on to Yaz’s knees, looking up at her girlfriend’s face.

“Well, at least there’s that, but I’m giving birth to  _ hundreds _ of these things!” Yaz groaned, unable to hold back any longer.

The Doctor watched in awe as the first Aragari baby’s cap crowned. Yaz pushed and pushed until it flopped to the grass, small limbs writhing in its own slime. It was only about an inch or two tall. After that first baby left it was as if the floodgates had been opened, and baby mushroom after baby mushroom popped out of Yaz in a slimy, gooey pile between her legs. The Doctor couldn’t take her eyes away! Watching them all spill out was mesmerising. 

The pile grew and grew until it spilled out around the two women, masses of small mushrooms squirming and making low humming noises. Yaz just lay there, eyes scrunched closed, and felt her stomach deflate. It must’ve been at least ten minutes until the last of the mushrooms was finally delivered. The Doctor looked down upon the mound of Aragari with a smile, tears lining her eyes.

“Yaz, they’re beautiful! Just look at them all!”

Yaz waved the Doctor off, needing a moment to recover from emptying her womb of hundreds of little aliens.

“Don’t talk… Just give me a moment,” Yaz mumbled, her hand coming to rest on her now flat stomach.

The Doctor did as she was told and tended to all of the little mushrooms sprawled out around them. After a couple of minutes Yaz finally opened her eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the light. She sat up and looked at the ground around her. It was bizarre seeing the flailing mass of glowing mushrooms surrounding her.

“Yaz we need to name them all!” The Doctor grinned as she picked the nearest mushroom up, kissing it right on it’s cap and leaving a sticky glowing residue on her lips. “I think I’ll call you Yaz Junior!”

“Doctor don’t you fucking dare!”


	2. EPILOGUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mah m8 Sketch demanded an epilogue. This is what y'all get.

It had been two weeks since Yaz had given birth to literal hundreds of tiny alien mushroom babies. Yaz, understandably, couldn't even walk the couple days after. Her body took it's sweet time adjusting back to normal, and she needed to hold an ice pack to her vag for the longest time because it had been so sore.

The Doctor was overjoyed that the little mushrooms that she had been gifted were finally growing into mature shrooms. She was a proud alien mummy! 

Thank god that the TARDIS was so big, otherwise they wouldn't have been able to house all of the 2 foot tall creatures. All they seemed to do was mill about on their two feet, their arms wiggling about unnaturally. Every day was like a rave thanks to the morphing, glowing colours of the little mushrooms.

It was Yaz first day off of her bed rest and she waded through the sea of writhing fungi. The low humming that she had heard when they were first birthed seemed to sound louder now that they had grown. She could hear the occasional word in English.

' _Mummy_...'

' _Feed me_...'

"Oh my god, that's so creepy," Yaz shuddered as she made her way to the console room where she figured the Doctor might be.

The Doctor, she found, had an armful of the squirming babies. She was kissing each one of the top of their caps.

"How are you today, Lindsey? Ah, what about you, Kieran? Oh I love you all so much! You've grown so much in the past two weeks!"

"You've named all of them?" Yaz asked, in disbelief that the Doctor was still so enthusiastic.

"Of course I have! They're all sensitive, okay?" The Doctor pouted. "Don't listen to mummy, she's just a little grumpy."

"Oh, don't even start, Doctor. How the hell did they even grow so quick?"

"That's just how they develop. They mature in about 5 weeks, they'll be all independent by then. It'll be sad to see them go."

"Where are they gonna go?" Yaz asked.

"Out into space of course! They can survive almost any environment."

' _Mummy... Do you love me?_ ' One of the mushrooms had wrapped itself around Yaz's leg, the haunting voice echoing in her mind.

"Wha-... Oh jeez!" Yaz nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Don't leave Gerald hanging, Yaz. Tell him you love him!"

"What?! No!"

' _Why doesn't mummy love me...? Mummy doesn't love us_...' The mushroom let go and the surrounding creatures shuffled away from Yaz, leaving at least a meter radius between them and her.

"Now look what you've done. You've made them sad! Don't worry, I still love you all!" The Doctor called out, and the great mushroom migration began.

The mushrooms from all over the TARDIS congregated either on top or around the Doctor, trying to get as close as possible.

“ _We love you, mumma._ ’ The amalgamation of Aragari voices was almost deafening.

“Oh my god, Doctor take me home right now or so help me!” Yaz shouted. “I’m never doing anything like this for you again!”


End file.
